Rene Principe Jr. and the spectrum of success
by Jason Tan Liwag
Our first featured scientist for the month of July is Rene Principe Jr: a second-year MS Physics student and junior faculty instructor from the National Institute of Physics at the University of the Philippines Diliman.
A queer scientist (pronouns: he/him, they/them) from Cagayan de Oro City, Rene went viral after he graduated cum laude from the BS Applied Physics program at Diliman. With a painted face and platinum violet hair, Rene’s graduation post proclaims his pride as an out, queer, and femme applied physicist with Kagay-anon and Bisaya roots. But his refusal to conform to gender binaries were not the only reason people took interest in his message.
Shared over 19,000 times, the caption of the photo was a clear contrast to the typical picture of success. In it, Rene writes an honest portrait of the painful circumstances of his upbringing; a story which he refused to erase or glorify. In the process of sharing this, he hopes to challenge the dominant narratives around poverty and queerness depicted in media. Since then, features about his experiences have made it to PhilStar, Inquirer, and SpotPH.
In November 2020, I caught up with Rene to ask him about his life, his upbringing, the material realities that made his coming out experience (im)possible, and what it means to be a queer scientist in physics. This interview, conducted in English and Filipino, has been edited for brevity and clarity:
What was your early childhood like, especially prior to your move to Diliman for college?
Okay po yung life namin sa Compostela Valley. Then everything shifted nung nasunog yung buong community namin overnight. We were left with nothing. We were forced to migrate to Cagayan De Oro City and dala lang namin yung motor. So when we lost our home, we had to leave that place to seek refuge.
Long story short: extreme poverty yung nararanasan namin. Because of that, gusto kong maging astronaut kasi ayaw ko na sa Earth. Gusto kong lisanin. Baka mas maganda doon sa clouds sa sky. Childhood dream ko talagang maging astronaut. Kasi kung wala talaga kayong kuryente at wala kayong anything, all you can look up to is the stars in the night sky. So that’s what fueled my childhood dream.
I considered that when I chose a degree program in college. That’s why I landed in Applied Physics because that’s the closest I’ll ever be to studying astronomy. So, weird enough, nagamit ko yung childhood dream na yun para makapunta ako sa kung saan ako ngayon. Pero nung grumaduate ako, ayaw kong maging normal na “rags to riches” story. That’s why I pointed out the reality of poverty from a first-hand experience na naranasan ko.
Despite na naka-graduate ako, it’s one storm away, one hospitalization away and we will sink back into poverty again. That’s the reality for us living in the poorest sectors. It will actually take generations of succeeding for us to get away from poverty. Sad reality pa doon, nung natanggap ko yung sablay ko, napatanong ako sa sarili ko: “Nasaan yung mga kababata ko? Bakit ako lang yung nandito? Dapat ba ganito yung kaso na a thousand couldn’t make it just so I could?” Hindi siya just kasi sine-celebrate lang yung victory, while we turn a blind to thousands of failures.
I don’t think it’s their fault na they did not “make it”. I just think they didn’t have the same opportunities I did or the same privileges that I had: in terms of financial help from my scholarships. What I want to point out is: our sector needs help. Poverty has been an ongoing problem for so long. The fact na gino-glorify pa rin yung mga stories like mine says a lot about how we’re not addressing poverty itself, we’re just choosing to portray the best parts of it. I think that’s problematic because it erases our story.
Moving forward, was your SOGIE ever a hindrance to you? Especially considering that physics is quite a patriarchally-dominated field, at least from an outsider’s perspective like mine.
Growing up, connected yung poverty sa queer experience ko. It’s an intersectional struggle. Even though I experienced nuances in terms of my sexuality, I choose to disregard it. Kasi ini-instill sa atin na importante na may makain tayo; that we survive another day. So that part of self-expression and self-discovery that should have happened as a kid was taken away from me because I was so focused on surviving. This is where poverty comes into my queer struggle kasi nade-delay siya.
If 20s natin we should be establishing ourselves, ito pa lang yung stage where we’re discovering what our SOGIE is. When I got to UP, marami akong friends na queer rin and they always have a mindset na: “I have to be successful first before I come out.” Merong ganoong pressure: na di pwedeng magladlad hangga’t financially stable tayo. Bakit? The straights don’t get this same experience. Yung poverty and queer struggles limit your dreams. Kine-cage ka sa isang box sa kung saan yung mga pwede mong marating.
Growing up in extreme poverty, walang representation. Wala akong ma-lo-lookup na people. Wala akong kilalang baklang scientist. Actually, clueless rin ako kung ano yung scientist. Alam natin police, nurse, sundalo. Ano ba yung scientist? Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong ginagawa nila before. Parang never sinasabi ang pagiging “scientist” kapag tinatanong ka “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I think that’s very problematic. On top of walang scientist representation, wala rin baklang scientist representation. So I aspired to be that one. I didn’t think it would be possible.
In relation to physics, yes. Pagpasok ko ng physics, confused pa ako sa sexuality. Bago pa ako sa UP. May mga inu-unlearn na conservative cultures. When I see in a room of 120 students that there are 20 girls and 100 guys? My god. Ang hirap i-push. It took me three years in UP to actually come out or announce who I am. UP na yan ha! It’s an environment na feeling mo naman kaya mo ng mag-out or because you have gay friends. But I was struggling for that long.
One day, I just snapped out of it and said: “Bahala na diyan.” I started wearing makeup, expressing myself, coloring my hair, wearing the outfits that I like. Actually, I think hindi ito masyadong na-ha-highlight pero if nakakaya mong i-e-express yung sarili mo, I think it’s one of the factors kung bakit ako nag-excel academically in those years. Nag-improve yung grades ko; yung performance ko. I think it’s because kung wala ka nang emotional baggage, you’re able to focus more on your academic excellence. That’s what UP gave me: a safe space. Siguro factor yun kung bakit ako nag-excel.
Isa rin yun sa mga messages ko. I hope we create more of these safe spaces. Kasi we don’t know that we’re hindering students from achieving their full potential just because we have prejudices about being LGBTQ+.
You’ve said before that you shifted from pure physics to applied physics in your third year, roughly the same year you came out. What was it about that year that pushed you to do both of those things?
Actually, first year pa lang naman na ako, comfortable naman na ako to share na: “I don’t think I’m straight.” Pero meron pa ring internalized homophobia; na hindi mo pa tanggap totally na ganoon ka. So you can’t declare it freely. Or you held back a lot. So nadala siya ng…medyo patriarchal pa rin yung nature…pero yung 18th birthday kumbaga. Debut. Sabi ko: “Do I want to live the next years of my life feeling like this?”
Factor rin talaga yung financial stability because I was a DOST scholar. While my friends tell me they’d come out after they graduate or when they have work, nagka-courage rin ako noon kasi keri ko nang ma-disown; kasi pwede akong mag-raket, may scholarships ako. Factor rin talaga ang financial stability to do that.
More than that, it was years of UP assuring me that it was a safe space. Meron akong orgmates who seemed very confident and I wanted to be like that. So I snapped out of everything and I just came out to my parents. During my 18th birthday, I texted them. Para eto na lang yung gift niyo sa akin kasi wala silang karapatang magalit on my birthday.
I don’t think we should ever have to experience the whirlwind of emotions just so maging comfortable tayo. In an ideal setting, we don’t ever need to come out. In an ideal world or in the future na mas safe compared to now. But for now, important rin to put these labels and to have these affirmations, etc.
Did you ever face any issues as a queer scientist in the Philippines? Have you encountered any openly queer scientists in your field?
I don’t know if I know other queer scientists.
Every time uuwi ako sa probinsya, tatanungin nila ako kung ano ang course ko: “Applied Physics”. Papasok doon yung pagiging taboo ang pagiging scientist in the Philippines. Kahit yung parents ko, hindi gets yung ginagawa ko. Until now, ine-explain ko pa rin. Hindi pa rin nila alam kung anong kinds of industry ang magte-take-in sa akin. Hindi alam ng people where I came from kung ano ang “academe”. So sobrang ganoon siya ka-detached na topic where I’m from.
Aside from that, I stopped caring nung nag-come out ako. I remember I texted my parents: “Take me for who I am. If you’re gonna open the door, open it fully. I don’t want it to be half-open or half-closed. Take me or leave me.” I want to be unapologetic. Why would I apologize for being who I am if it makes me happy, comfortable, and confident? I don’t have to feel sorry about that. That’s a good thing that I have the courage or bravery to be unapologetic. Kaya siguro I stopped caring about the opinion of people about me being a queer person.
Inside the institution, wala pa namang specific instances of discrimination for me. Kasi sobrang tangkad ko pa: I’m 5’10’’. So when I walk the hallways with the colored hair, highlight for the gods, shortest shorts, outfits na colorful…people would really notice. But I don’t really feel discriminated naman within the premises of NIP or in College of Science in general. Wala namang verbal callouts, wala namang pasabi na magdamit ng maayos. Okay naman yung UP. Kaya nga laking salamat ko kasi sobrang safe space niya. Nag-a-anticipate ako ng mga ganoon when I came out.
But that’s not the reality. UP is an institution na medyo excluded from reality. When I step outside, doon nararanasan yung mga pangka-catcall, mga unnecessary stares. Nalalala ko pagka-uwi ko ng Cagayan De Oro na I have blond hair and all that, people would stare at me at the mall. Hindi sila nahihiyang titigan ako. Kahit confident ako na tao, when there’s a hundred people staring at you…it’s kind of weird? Kind of disempowering. So that’s the challenge: to educate friends because they are my allies, my classmates on what I am, and my family.
Does it ever become a burden to somewhat…explain yourself? Both as a physicist and also as a queer person?
Yes. Sobrang hirap. When I came out, meron silang assumptions on ano yung pagiging “bakla”. They don’t understand na it’s a spectrum at na you are what you are. After I came out and I’d go out with my classmates, every time may makikita kaming bakla, they’d nudge me with their elbows and say: “Oh mas maganda siya sa iyo! Papatalbog ka ba sa ganyan?” So medyo nagalit ako kasi pag may pumasok bang lalaki, ginaganyan ko ba kayo? Minsan nagsa-snap talaga ako kasi hindi dapat siya big deal.
Pero I understand that it’s a process. I’m an activist. I believe in tireless persuasion. So as much as possible, I try to exercise that. I don’t take it out on the person. After all, they’re just a product of the environment or the society that they grew up in. Feeling ko hindi lang sila exposed sa mga taong katulad ko.
Ako rin naman, kahit isa akong miyembero ng LGBTQ+ community, meron rin akong instances of internalized homophobia. If meron akong ganoon, it’s totally understandable na meron silang mga homophobic microaggressions.
The best way to combat it is to talk to them and to educate them about it because it’s not about trying to change their perspective about me. It’s me trying to change their perspective towards the LGBTQ+ community. I don’t just represent myself in those types of confrontations or conversations. You’re doing the LGBTQ+ community a favor when you try to educate someone.
Is that something that has informed you as an instructor? Is that, in part, why you want to teach? Have you always wanted to teach?
Since self-supporting student ako, kinailangan kong rumaket. So aside from self-expression ko yung makeup, naging raket ko yun. Nag-take rin ako ng tutorial jobs: I teach math, physics, and computer programming.
I love the sense of validation when I teach. Growing up as an LGBTQ+ individual, you don’t get that validation and affirmation. So when your students thank you for your efforts or your contribution, it’s something new. It’s motivating. It’s empowering. It makes you feel alive. It makes you feel like you have a purpose in this world. You’re not just measured for who you are, you’re also measured for your contributions.
Part rin ako ng UP Astronomical Society, we also teach grade school students, high school students, and basic stuff in astronomy. The way they affirm you that they learned something, natuwa ako doon. Kaya I considered being an instructor as a career; kaya ako naging instructor ngayon. Right now, I’m getting that. Masaya siya. It keeps you going kahit sobrang hirap: this affirmation from people na nakikita yung effect mo in this world.
What do you love about being a queer scientist? Do you enjoy the research aspect of it?
Yeah! Absolutely! My research is about hyperspectral imaging. Essentially, I take the spectrum of objects or anything. We have color. For example, the color of my skin is brown. So kung ano mang nakikita mong color is a product of the spectrum of the object, the light source, and eyesight — camera or eyes. Kung may nakikita kang red object, you’re not sure if it’s a red object or if it’s a white object in red light or if it’s a white object in white light in a red filter or camera.
Essentially, color is subjective. It’s limited by human perception. When you’re trying to recover the spectrum — the spectral signature of an object…so kunwari yung kamay ko, iba yung spectrum niya sa nails ko, sa hair ko, sa etc. So kahit ilawan mo yan ng kahit ano, the spectrum will remain the same kasi it is a property of the object. That’s the main problem for my work: I recover the spectrum.
Are you familiar with the spectroscopy of the stars? Just by capturing the stars, malalaman mo yung composition niya: if it’s mostly hydrogen, helium, etc. It’s a wide topic, spectroscopy: when you’re trying to recover the spectrum. What if meron ka lang RGB image and na-picture-an na yung object? Can you recover the spectrum of the object? That’s what I do. It’s called hyperspectral imaging. I use computational methods — machine learning, neural networks, etc. I train them to transform an RGB image into a hyperspectral image.
Saan ba nagagamit yung hyperspectral imaging? Marami siyang applications. Tignan natin yung remote sensing applications or satellite. Kung meron kang hyperspectral image of the Philippines, if you view it at a specific wavelength, kaya siya spectrum kasi maraming wavelengths, makikita mo yung areas na may vegetation, may water, may soil, may buildings. Kasi di ba each object will have a distinct spectrum? When you have a hyperspectral image, you can make a map more than just a map. Kaya mong mag-create ng vegetation maps, water waste maps, ganoon. Yun yung bigger picture.
Nag-take ako ng inspiration from yung Diwata satellite. Nung nalaman kong na-launch yung Diwata satellite, RGB camera lang pala yung meron siya. So I consulted with my adviser (Dr. Maricor N. Soriano, project leader of Project 1: OPTIKAL): “Ma’am parang ang konti ng uses ng RGB image. For visual purposes lang siya. Is there a way to recover yung hyperspectral?” Kasi sobrang mahal ng hyperspectral cameras. Millions, I think. All the high-end satellites will be hyperspectral cameras. Nung nalaman kong RGB camera lang yung meron sa Diwata, maybe we can design a machine-learning algorithm to transform the images.
Is it difficult to balance the instructor and graduate student life?
I’ll be honest, hindi naging part ng plan yung pagiging grad student ko. I’m not sure what the exact reason is. Ang hirap na makita yung sarili mo producing that much output in terms of research papers and publications. As I was approaching my last sem, hindi ko na kinonsider. Ready na akong i-take in ng industry or apply for Philippine Space Agency to do what I can.
Pero COVID happened! The usual path for us is data science because of coding. Walang career opportunities for that. And nag-knock yung door ng grad student/instructor. Para maging instructor ka, you have to be a grad student. It’s a combo for Physics.
So kahit mahirap…syempre nag-shift ako from Physics to Applied Physics. I don’t want the theory part! I don’t want to solve prob sets! I want to code. I want imaging. I want optics. That’s why I shifted. Pero walang graduate program ang applied physics. It’s just pure physics. Hirap na hirap ako sa course ko ngayon. But I have to. Kasi hindi ko kayang walang source of income. And I love teaching. In my job right now, I love na nakakatulong ako sa students. Pero ang laking challenge yung course.
What are your wishes for the Filipino community of queer scientists? If you could say something to your younger self, what would it be?
Message ko sa younger self ko? Sana mas maaga mong natanggap yung sarili mo. O kung kaya mong patawarin yung sarili mo ng mas maaga. Mas sasaya ka. Kasi no regrets yung pagiging LGBTQ+. Sana hindi mo pinagdaanan yung phase na kinamumuhian mo yung sarili mo dahil lang nagkakaroon ka ng feelings na ganito. If nanonood ka ng Gaya sa Pelikula, yung mga ganoong instances? Yung mga bagay na na-mi-miss natin during the growing up phase? The prom moments? Hindi mo na-e-express kung sino crush mo? Those little things! Sobrang liit niya na bagay pero pinagkait pa sa atin. I wish I was braver. Until now, I’m still waiting on those what-ifs.
Pansin ko naman sa science community natin ngayon, it’s very competitive. Sana maibsan to or totally mawala yung toxic competitiveness. It disheartens people like me. Hindi ako stellar student. Hindi ako summa cum laude. Hindi ako yung type na I can easily reproduce publications. Ako yung type na student na gapang na gapang. Laylayan student kumbaga. But I want to be part of the community too. I want to contribute something. Lalo na that I bring issues from my sector — the urban poor. I bring those issues to the table and I want to be one of the proponents who solve them, using my expertise in the scientific community.
Pero siguro dahil sobrang competitive, nagkaka-second thoughts ako minsan na: Is it really for me? Kaya ko bang ma-achieve yung mga ganyan? So I think creating communities like this, groups like this, lalo na sa atin na oppressed sector. I think sobrang ganda ng initiative na ito na meron tayong community within ourselves na meron tayong shared experiences or similar experience that they will assure you na valid a struggle mo. There will always be an extra step for you as an LGBTQ+ individual. You’re facing problems na hindi naman nararanasan nung iba dahil lang LGBTQ+ ka. Important na ma-validate yung mga experiences mo na ganoon. Sana mas maraming tao na nag-a-assure sa iyo na normal lang na nag-su-struggle ka. Kasi, in my years in Physics, all I see are stellar people like summa cum laudes being professors and them going abroad and then me not knowing the process of how to do that and all of this. Minsan na-lo-lost ako. Am I in the right place? Sana may ganoong community na kaya mong mapag-share-an ng first-hand concerns.
I think naman yung beauty of being a queer scientist…Walang mukha yung scientist nung naging part ako ng UP. It’s for everyone. I’m a living testament; we are a living testament to that. Kung ano man ang humaharang sa atin sa society or the prejudice ng society…wala talaga. It’s for everyone, yung field na ito. That’s the beauty of being a scientist. Wala tayong mga dress code. If I entered corporate, may haircut policies, uniforms. Sa atin, you can dress however you want.
You are valued for your contribution. So I think that’s the greatest beauty of being a scientist because we’re viewed for our contribution. Hindi natin kailangang mag-subscribe sa mga traditional. Nagagawa ko yun. I can express that however I want. I can join research meetings wearing whatever I want and they don’t mind. So it’s really nice. This industry, I think, in comparison to others, mas free tayo dito. Masaya. Kaya pinili ko ring mag-stay. At least for now.
